Saturday, October 13, 2012

The journey from my head to my heart.......

Here I am again, sitting at my computer, looking out the window at this beautiful October morning. It is amazing to me, how the way that the day looks, or the smell of the cool air, can trigger so many memories. Just the way the sun is positioned or the sound of a bird can take me to a place in my memory which seems like a lifetime ago.

 I am scanning over, in my mind, the events from yesterday. My Friday began with breakfast with a friend that I haven't seen in over 15 years. It was so amazing to see her and her beautiful 6 month old son. It was like we had been together all this time. There was no awkwardness or lack of conversation. I am very grateful that we found each other again. My life has been blessed by awesome people in it.

I was also corresponding with my friend, her son was murdered earlier this year. She asked me if the thoughts and pain of WHY did this happen to our children, ever goes away? I had to tell her, "NO, those questions of why, the pain, loss and devastation have not gone away. I don't imagine this as ever going away. We shared with each other how we stay busy to keep our minds focused on something other than the never ending pain from the senseless deaths of our children.

 I did get to share with her, the conversation that I had with one of the players in Matt's death. I shared with her that he asked us for forgiveness for his role of being the drug dealer who took the $50 that the shooter and Gene Allen Combs, came looking for to get their money back. He understood that his disease of addiction, has affected so many lives.

Last night, I again ran into That man, who had a part in Matt's murder. The same man that Raymond and I had a conversation with, nearly 2 months ago. The man who asked for forgiveness for his part in the murder of our son. This man now has 2 months clean and sober. He gave me his 60 day key tag.

So here is the part about my journey from my head to my heart. This man is Now changing his life. In my heart, I know that this is a major event, that will absolutely help to change not only his life, but the lives of his children, his family, his immediate circle of people, and ultimately the world. My head wants to HATE him but my heart knows this is a miracle.

 My head often times wants to blame, hate, hurt and punish. I have been on a spiritual journey for a long time now. I believe that God is absolutely guiding me to a life of peace and forgiveness. I just have to be willing!

Once again, God, Clear my Mind and Heal my Heart. Guide me where you would have me go and give me the eyes to see and the ears to hear.

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