Sunday, November 27, 2011

Where do I go from here?: It's almost 1:00PM  and I am still in relax mode. ...

Where do I go from here?: It's almost 1:00PM and I am still in relax mode. ...: It's almost 1:00PM and I am still in relax mode. It feels so wonderful to JUST BE. The Matt Garcia Foundation Dream Team members and Fair...
It's almost 1:00PM  and I am still in relax mode. It feels so wonderful to JUST BE.
 The Matt Garcia Foundation Dream Team members and Fairfield Downtown Association had a great time yesterday, cleaning up downtown and removing broken lights from the trees, which line downtown Fairfield. Everyone was AWESOME! It always feels so good to be of service in any way.
After the clean-up, myself and my friend Cynthia, went to the Bombay Restaurant, and had a great meal.
We then headed off to Bodega Bay.
On the drive to Bodega, Cynthia asked me many questions about what my life was like as I was growing up? It was a life with many experiences, many in which a child should never have to deal with. I didn't know then, that these would shape me to become the woman that I am today! For this reason, I am grateful.
I am grateful also, because I get to reach out and relate to other women who are taking a look at their own lives and where they have been and where we wish to go from here!
I do know that GOD has a plan. I ask for guidance daily, and I receive it! Again, I am full of gratitude for that!
The gift that God has given me, is the gift of knowing. I have been able to walk with our daughters through this devastating tragedy. To be the Mother and person that our daughters could come to, and just cry or ask WHY? We all know that we will see Matt again. Actually, we FEEL his presence often. ONCE AGAIN, I AM GRATEFUL!
 I must say I REALLY DISLIKE that I belong to the Mothers of murdered children club! Although, AGAIN I have been given the opportunity to help other moms along this unbelievably painful journey. This is all part of the Life that I am living today.
 My purpose is to live this life in Peace, happiness, and to live it with love in my heart. To ask for help and guidance along this journey so that I can be a light.To be the mom that our daughters need. To be a wonderful and loving partner to my husband.
I thank God and the countless friends and family who continue to guide me and inspire me to move forward. Thank you for lending me your ears when I need to vent. For all of your support I am forever grateful.

Monday, November 14, 2011

This moment I am feeling at peace. I went to a wonderful meeting this evening. Each woman that spoke, had such a powerful message of hope and transformation. I do believe that the situations, which have happened in each one of our lives, absolutely can bring a shift in our perceptions and thinking. I know that has been the case for me. Before Matt was killed, I had been spending much of my time practicing meditation and prayer. I was building a strong relationship with GOD. I know now that God filled me up with His spirit so that I would be able to go to Him after Matt was shot and killed.

 My life is far from perfect. I have even created some extra chaos for myself, in the spending money department. But, I can honestly say, that I am at peace most of the time. I feel very connected to God. I have never doubted that God is in control. I truly know that each one of us is here for a purpose. My job is to continue to ask God for guidance and direction and then follow where He leads me. When I choose NOT to follow Him is when I create chaos for myself. Each moment is a chance to begin again. I feel so blessed to know this. I have the opportunity in this moment to be the best person that I can be. I can chose to be miserable and depressed and no one would blame me. I know that God did not bring me here to do that. God has me here to help others. I am confident of that. Clearly, through my life God has sent many to help me.

I'm grateful to the many many wonderful people who have touched my life. The people that God has placed on this journey with me are AWESOME! My children have been the 3 most beautiful gifts that God has given me.. Matthew, Briana, and Tearae have taught me what unconditional love really is. Thank you God!