Sunday, November 25, 2012

The gift of Thanksgiving

I am enjoying my quiet time this beautiful morning. I have had a wonderful phone conversation with a dear friend. I am so thankful for the amazing people that I have in my life today. I am in awe at how a shift in my perception, a change in how I view the world and the people in it, can reveal so many miracles, that until this shift took place, I was unable to see! Thus is why my daily prayer is: God, guide me to where You would have me go. Give me the eyes to see, the ears to hear, and the words to speak. Clear my mind and heal my heart. And so it is, Amen

The last couple weekends have been filled with Amazing women from all over the country. We all met in LA for a huge conference to lift each other up in love and sisterhood. I have been lifted up emotionally, physically and spiritually from all of these incredible life expereinces. My thoughts about so many things that I thought were fact or should be's, are changing. I see myself opening up to, what is often called, the "Bigger Picture".

Many years before Matt was killed, I felt an inner shifting. I knew that Life is so much more than money, jobs, influence. All of which, are outside THINGS. I was on a journey from the moment I was born...I was just unaware for many years.

Although, this shift has definitely expanded since Matt's death. I have no more walls up. I am totally open to whatever God has in store for me. I am open to the experience and I am not attached to the outcome. I am the most vulnerable that I have ever been. This is the space where God can and will enter.

I have been sitting in quiet with the visiting forms that convicted murderer, Gene Combs, has sent to me. I want to go and see him and ask him questions about the night that Henry Don Williams, shot and killed Matt. I'm also not naive. I understand that Gene combs has nothing to lose by saying whatever he wants to me. I just have this inner knowing that i am supposed to do this.

One reason why I know that I am supposed to go and see Gene Combs, is because of what has taken place over these past few months. The people that have been placed in my life at just the right moment. I was speaking at a middle school several weeks ago. My husband and I had already had a meeting 3 months before this middle school experience, where we were asked to forgive this person who had a role in Matt's murder. At this middle school, the woman seated next to me, gave me a hand written note which said, "thank you for forgiving my son". This is how I know that God is leading me! This is my privilege of a lifetime.

Some people do not understand how I could be open to speak to and even consider to forgive these people who committed these horrible acts that resulted in my only son's death. I say, It's not for them, it's for me. It's for my children and it's for their children. We are all here for a reason. My hating someone is NOT going to bring Matt back. My feeling Anger and Rage is not going to Affect anyone but me and those I love and with whom I am closest to. Why would I want to do that? I don't! I want to heal and live this life in peace. Giving hope where it seems like there is none.


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