Thursday, April 26, 2012


I woke up this morning feeling a bit scattered. I often distract myself with doing many different activities or meetings or projects. I only notice this, when I begin to get stressed out, because I have decided to take on too much. It's a vicious cycle. Each time, I finally do notice that I've done it again, I am then ready to go and lay down for a couple of days.
 My passion for service, is huge. I need to learn how to be of service to ME. I can't help others, if I am unable to help and take care of myself. I make this statement to others, OFTEN!
 I recognize that once I STOP and sit still, my mind takes me back to the evening of Sept. 1, 2008. I wake up every morning, thinking of my son. My day is filled with thoughts of Matt. I go to bed every night with my boy on my mind. There isn't a time that Matt isn't in my thoughts. But, when I'm still, the night of Sept. 1, 2008 replays over and over again.
 I know, with all of my heart, that Matthew would not want me to cry and mourn everyday. I try to do things to uplift my thoughts. Helping and serving others in a positive way. Reminding myself that Matt had a vision of HOPE for our community and all of the people here. I feel his presence when I'm still. It is so difficult to really look at what has happened. After 3 1/2 years, I am still not used to him being gone. It is like a never ending nightmare.
I honestly do believe that God has a plan. I also believe that we are all HERE for a purpose. When I remember these profound realizations, I can move forward. Thus, this starts my cycle all over again. I have to be able to find a balance. To learn to recognize when I'm heading from the point of peace and belief  to the extreme of overextending myself, with distractions.
God please Clear my Mind and Heal my Heart!

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