Our lives have been incredibly blessed. I thank God and Matt for the gift of a clear mind and an open heart.
Most assuredly, Matthew's death has been the most horrific and devastating life experience ever. The unfathomable circumstances of Matt's death; murder; presented me with choices and decisions that I never really thought of before he died.
Making the decision to live each and every moment with gratitude. The decision to see the good in every situation. Deciding to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. These are choices that I have the opportunity to make in every minute of every day; if I choose to. And honestly, some days I choose not to. The point is, I have choices; as we all do.
Today, because of the choices I've made, my heart is opened more than it's ever been. I feel things on a much deeper level than I did before Matthew's death. I have compassion and empathy for others that was always there; but not like it is now.
My children are my world. I love the three of them more than words could ever say. I also know that I could have done better. I will always hold onto some guilt that I wasn't a better mother to them. I don't allow those thoughts and feelings to overtake me, but they are there nonetheless; a part of me.
Now, I have this incredible opportunity to be the best grandma EVER! The love that I have for our new grandson is like nothing I've felt before. I'm crying just writing about the love that fills my heart.
I have many things in my life that are still out of sorts. I can fret over them, or I can choose to see all the wonderful gifts that are here now right in front of my face. Today, I choose to love and see the gratitude at every moment.
God, thank you for clearing my mind and healing my heart. Thank you, for giving me the eyes to see, the ears to hear, and the words to speak. Amen
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