One step forward and two steps back

This picture is of 246 pages filed by Matt's killer to the appellate court. Just this morning I was mentioning to a friend  that I WILL NOT allow Matt's killer to take anymore of us. He has tried and nearly succeeded in destroying our family.

 I continue to pray and ask God for guidance. I am confused and angry that this continues to haunt us. I feel completely powerless. I find myself questioning EVERYTHING.

My life has been about restoration and hope. I share with other women that forgiveness is the key to a happy life. I have struggled with walking my talk while living this nightmare.

It has been hard to accept the fact that I will not see my son again. I know I will see him again one day and I do try and find comfort in that, but it doesn't always work. Especially, when faced with the constant plotting from Matt's killer. I just don't get it?

I'm grateful to have people and places to share these struggles with. Everyday, my husband and I pray for Matt's killer and all of those involved in his murder. I never thought I would or could ever do that.

So, thank you to all of you for being there for our family. It means so much to us. I will continue writing, talking, yelling and doing whatever I need to do in order to move forward. Even if moving forward sometimes feels like I'm stepping backward.