Thursday, August 22, 2013

Feels like Fall

As I sit here, at my morning post, in front of the computer. The backdoor is open and I can feel the cool air and hear the leaves rustling. I could not sleep last night as I am aware of the time of year that it is, by the sounds and smells of fall arriving.

 This will be year five that these sights, sounds and smells have had life changing meaning. It will be 5 years on September 1st that my only son was shot and killed. The sounds of the wind and the leaves always take me back to that night. 

 Not a minute goes by, where Matt is not a thought in my mind. There is a never ending ache in my heart. A space that I can never really fully comprehend. It's a forever lost sense of being. 

I thank God everyday for my girls, who have continued to keep me moving forward. I thought that I was helping them, when in all actuality, those two have filled me with peace, strength and so much love.

My life is filled with the most amazing family and friends. I am eternally grateful.
 I focus my attention on helping myself and others to not live in suffering. I often remind myself that we are all here for a short time. Make the best of each moment because really, that is all we have. I'm not denying my pain and devastation, I just can't live there! It would serve no purpose and would help no one, especially myself.

I am keenly aware that there are many lessons to be learned. I can choose to be part of the problem or I can choose to be part of the solution. This is a decision only I can make! In this moment, I choose to be part of the solution. 
The solution to what, you may ask? For me, it is the decision to live in anger, pain and misery or to be mindful and grateful for all that I do have.

 We all know that terrible things happen in this world every second of the day. Do we focus on this fact and bring more negative energy in to this world? Or, do we get up and decide to make this one spot a little brighter? A simple smile can do that! 

When I find it difficult to get into the solution, I write a gratitude list. Beginning with the air that I am breathing. My family, my friends, our amazing community. I quickly move on to having a roof over my head, always having plenty to eat. I get reminded very quickly, just how much I have to be grateful for.

I believe I just made my gratitude list for today. I am feeling better. I am part of the solution. Fall is in the air.

 Thank you God! 

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