Scattered

I woke up this morning feeling a bit scattered. I often distract myself with doing many different activities or meetings or projects. I only notice this, when I begin to get stressed out, because I have decided to take on too much. It's a vicious cycle. Each time, I finally do notice that I've done it again, I am then ready to go and lay down for a couple of days.
 My passion for service, is huge. I need to learn how to be of service to ME. I can't help others, if I am unable to help and take care of myself. I make this statement to others, OFTEN!
 I recognize that once I STOP and sit still, my mind takes me back to the evening of Sept. 1, 2008. I wake up every morning, thinking of my son. My day is filled with thoughts of Matt. I go to bed every night with my boy on my mind. There isn't a time that Matt isn't in my thoughts. But, when I'm still, the night of Sept. 1, 2008 replays over and over again.
 I know, with all of my heart, that Matthew would not want me to cry and mourn everyday. I try to do things to uplift my thoughts. Helping and serving others in a positive way. Reminding myself that Matt had a vision of HOPE for our community and all of the people here. I feel his presence when I'm still. It is so difficult to really look at what has happened. After 3 1/2 years, I am still not used to him being gone. It is like a never ending nightmare.
I honestly do believe that God has a plan. I also believe that we are all HERE for a purpose. When I remember these profound realizations, I can move forward. Thus, this starts my cycle all over again. I have to be able to find a balance. To learn to recognize when I'm heading from the point of peace and belief  to the extreme of overextending myself, with distractions.
God please Clear my Mind and Heal my Heart!

Light

I woke up this morning being reminded that I am in control of my attitude. I make the decision, each day, to either live in the darkness, or to be THE LIGHT! At first, knowing that my happiness and peace, were my own responsibility, seemed almost unfair! I mean, God, I want to blame someone else. These life situations that have happened, I had no choice! I was powerless to change these situations and outcomes.
This is absolutely true! I can't change what has happened. Today, I know that I can change how I am responsible for what happens to ME. I am responsible for the change that I bring to myself and my life! God, Has given me the gift of this life. I have to be responsible to have a purpose filled life. It is a gift to show my daughters that Life is about giving and loving. I GET IT! We are here for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will continue, each moment, to take responsibility for the energy/attitude that I bring into every situation.

God, what would you have us do?

It's Sunday morning. I'm in my usual morning spot, sitting in front of this computer. I have so many things running through my mind!  I do want to acknowledge how beautiful this first day of April is. It's amazing to watch, what a difference a day makes. Yesterday we had to cancel our monthly community clean up, due to rain, wind, and possible thunderstorms. Today it's clear blue sky, warm sun, and no wind.

The area that we were scheduled to do the clean-up and BBQ, is an area that has had 2 murders in a little over a month. This is the same area that had another murder yesterday morning! This is the 6th homicide, in Fairfield, already this year!

MY GOD! Please clear our minds and Heal our Hearts. Help us to keep on keeping on. These times are so discouraging and plenty frightening. Believe me, I have felt like giving up. I have felt this way, on more than one occasion.  GOD, WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE US DO?
I always get the same internal response.....TERESA,  DO NOT GIVE UP! KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
So, I'm NOT going to GIVE UP!

 Together, we will make a change in our community. We have to continue to dialog. The community meetings that our police chief has organized, along with monthly town hall meetings, from other community leaders and faith based groups, we are changing  the entire atmosphere of our community. In the few meetings that I have attended, I have felt the shift, both internally and externally. Although, the meetings went well, within a day or two, another act of violence has occurred. This is EXACTLY WHY WE NEED TO STAND UP AND STICK TOGETHER AS A COMMUNITY. These acts of violence, which have resulted in 6 murders, will lessen. They will NOT lessen if WE retreat into ourselves and our homes!

This is my City. I'm NOT RETREATING!

 God, please guide us to do what you would have us do. Give us the strength, knowledge and wisdom to do the right things for the right reasons. Fill us with a sense of belonging and community, so we can help each other. Thank you for giving us the eyes to see, the ears to hear, the voice to speak. Remind us all, that WE are here for a REASON! Amen

 Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead