I have been writing for years and years as a way for me to sort through all of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions in relation to not only the murder of my only son, Matthew Terrahl Garcia, but also, my cousin Kathy's murder 8 years before Matt was taken by violence. I have visited prisons to talk with convicted murderers about what their victims' family members and loved ones have to deal with on the daily. The consequences of their decisions are permanent, for us.
I have been pondering these questions and many more, over these past nearly 24 years, since my cousin, Kathleen Sue O'Brien was stabbed to death in April of 1999. Kathy was stabbed over 50 times and her body had been tossed out onto Cherry Glen Road in Fairfield. My mind couldn't and still can not fathom how another human being can inflict such unspeakable violence on to another. And yet, here we were not ever imagining that another murder in our family was to happen several years after Kathy's. My only son, Matt.
Doing this healing work for myself has been an incredibly slippery slope. In one moment I am so angry and filled with anxiety and fear. In the next moment I find myself having empathy for a murderer. What in the hell is wrong with me? Let me be really clear though...Kathy and Matt's murderers have NEVER taken responsibility for their heinous acts; and actually have been using the system to their advantage for the entire length of their individual incarcerations, thus far.
My husband, Raymond went out to the driveway to get me our local newspaper on this rainy Sunday morning. I opened it to see a picture of a incarcerated man and above him the headline read: "Guards to benefit from state prison closures, too". The writer, Steve Brooks, is an incarcerated journalist who resides at San Quentin. He has written for numerous publications and has even received awards for his writing. Steve Brooks has been incarcerated for nearly 30 years.
While reading his article, I felt several different things almost at the same time, Anger, sadness, irritation, and self pity. I mean, What about US and other victims' families? I truly do believe that not all who have broken the law should reside in prison for the rest of their lives. But, I certainly believe that someone who has stabbed another over 50 times with a sharpened screwdriver, and continues to show social and behavioral problems should not be eligible for parole and neither should a already convicted felon, who obtained a gun and shot my son in the back of the head.
Our family has attended one parole hearing thus far for Kathy's murderer and it was awful to say the least. While the state prosecutor and I met at a SoCal airport and drove together to the prison, It hit me that Matt's murderer was also incarcerated in this same prison. Knowing that I was walking into a prison that was housing both murderers of two of our family members was insane to me. I was overcome with a mix of disgust, anguish, and confusion.
Kathy's murderer was actually scheduled for another parole hearing next month, on March 28th. As our family has to try and prepare for this outrageous appointment, We, AGAIN, are overtaken by emotions and the horrific memory of THAT day.
We found out a week or so ago that Kathy's murderer has waived his parole hearing for another 2 years. I thank God for that, but, it was the Killer himself, who waived it? What in the Hell?
Once again, we are faced with a mix of emotions to sort through. I am grateful to not have to go for another 2 years, yet, flabbergasted that her MURDERER was the one who got to decide when he might be ready for another parole hearing!
Many times throughout these last 24 years I have felt as though I was incarcerated. Even more-so after Matt was shot to death. I do get that people change. Matt was all for people and second chances. He understood that we all have choices in life. The consequences for choosing the wrong path, can have devastating lifelong effects that will ripple for generations.
