Goodbye 2014

Last year, at this time Raymond and I turned our daughter’s former bedroom, into a prayer & meditation room. This room has saved my mental state on many occasions, this past year. I also started using it as my art room too. I love having a quiet retreat in my own home.

We also completed a labyrinth in our backyard. It really means a lot to me to have this labyrinth. Raymond and I began to make the backyard labyrinth the very day that Matt was shot, Sept. 1, 2008. We never completed it until this year. I’m so very grateful to have this sacred space.

February 2014 came with more obstacles and heartache for our family and loved ones.  Matt’s killer was brought back to Solano County to fight for a new trial for himself. We continue to be baffled by our Justice system and the constitution, which allows all of this insanity to continue year after year. It is a blatant waste of time and taxpayers money. We will NOT STOP ADVOCATING for VICTIMS AND THEIR FAMILIES.

March 2014 brought on more insanity. Matt’s killer makes the decision he wants to represent himself in court. Once again, everything is put on hold, so that Matt’s murderer can prepare his case. We continue to work and do what is in front of us all the while our hearts never get a reprieve from the devastating impact that Matt’s death has had on each of us.

April 2014 April is Victims Rights Week. Myself, Briana and Kathy drove to Sacramento and marched to the capital with our murdered loved ones faces on our shirts and signs It was a very emotional day for everyone but we were grateful to be a part of it.

May 2014 My oldest daughter, Briana got engaged. Oh my goodness we are all so happy and excited. Our focus has been on Matt’s murderer and all the drama he continues to bring.

 We are extremely excited to have a beautiful wedding to plan.  September 5, 2015 is the date that Briana and William picked for their wedding day. The month of September will be a happy month filled with love and celebration. I am so happy.

June 2014 Matt’s killer now decides that he no longer wants to represent himself. He is appointed his public defender. Once again, the hearing is delayed.

July 2014 Matt would have turned 28.

 I was asked if I would be willing to go into California State Prison Solano in Vacaville and speak to a group of lifers, mainly murderers. These men are taking classes in prison to improve their lives and help them take responsibility for their actions.

I was asked to give my impact statement. I talked about how Matt’s murder has devastated our lives forever. I shared how his murderer is STILL dragging us through HELL. I also shared how Matt’s murderer refuses to accept any responsibility for his actions. This experience has changed my life for the better.

August 2014 the scheduled court hearing was once again delayed because the murderer’s wife didn't show up. Also the investigators were unable to locate the juror in question.  Next court hearing is scheduled for October.

September 2014 my only son has been gone for six years. Our hearts will be forever broken by the absence of Matt. My mind is swirling uncontrollably by the insanity of our system.

 MY girlfriend took me to Hawaii for 10 days. It felt so good to get away. It didn't last long. We were again not notified of a court appearance.

 I felt terrible for putting such a dark cloud over this special time for my friend. Her daughter had just gotten engaged in Hawaii a couple days before.

October 2014 we were not notified that the Judge’s courtroom had moved.  We finally make it to the new courtroom to find out that the hearing will be delayed once more. We go back Jan. 16, 2015. 

The murderer’s wife comes up to us in the hall after court and begins to tell me how sorry that she is for bringing all of this on us. She admitted that everything she said before was a lie. She assures us that she has already signed a declaration stating the truth, which is, that the juror did nothing wrong.

 Oh My God, Was this really happening? Can all of this be over now that she finally admitted to the truth? NOPE! Now the murderer’s attorney wants to bring up myself and Raymond.  He wants us to answer questions about what we saw when the juror was speaking to the killer’s wife during a recess in the trial.

I spoke at the prison again. This has been a life saving experience for me to hear murderers take responsibility for their crimes. For the murderer’s to realize the devastation and destruction that they have caused so many, forever, is healing for me.

November 2014 we had a meeting with the DA and ended up having to give separate statements to the investigator because apparently the murderer’s wife never told her attorney the truth. Our prosecutor knew nothing about the hallway conversation that the wife shared with us, about her previous lies.

Briana, her bridesmaids and I, went to a wedding fair. It was a great time to focus on Briana and her upcoming wedding.

One of Matt’s dreams was to meet Oprah. He believed that he would be on her show one day. That day would never happen. I did however get to meet Oprah and tell her about Matt. I felt Matt there too. His dream came true that November day.

December 2014 Here we are on the very last day of 2014. Again, we were not informed of a court appearance last week. Today, December 31, 2014 I was served a subpoena, at my job, for the court hearing on Jan. 16 for the murderer of Matt.

I know that God has a plan. I know that many, many, great and wonderful things are also happening in our lives. I will place my heart and soul into every amazing adventure that comes my way. I will continue to speak my truth regarding the justice system and victims’ rights or lack thereof. I will be there for my daughters every step of the way. I will do all of this with God, my family and my friends.

Our journeys are our own. We will connect with the people we are supposed to connect with. When we ask, we will be given EVERYTHING we need for this life journey.  I am so truly grateful for the amazing people in our lives. Thank you, you who continue to lift us up in prayer. You, who show up EVERY TIME for us, you who have reminded me that God is the answer.  Thank you!  2014 has been another year of living, loving and learning. I am willing and ready to do it again, even better!