Her word was Perseverance!

I just returned home from an awesome meeting. The woman who spoke is amazing! I have so much respect and admiration for her. She spoke about perseverance. I related to a lot of her story. We share some similarities. One glaring similarity is that we are both mothers of murdered sons. We both continue to persevere. 

I believe that my journey is one of love, forgiveness and healing. I also believe that God places each person in my life at exactly the right time. I cannot help but to feel loved and blessed in this moment.

This past week our youngest child turned 19. She is amazing!  Both of our daughters have also persevered. They have done it with love and grace. I have watched these amazing young women rise up and walk in the light. I am beyond proud. I am humbled, by the fact that God entrusted us with our three amazing children. God continues to move us on this path.

 I feel a strong shift. As though we are all being guided to lift up our young people and to help them realize their role in this world. I feel led to empower our young women. To help those who have not learned yet how to help themselves. To help the women who do not know their own worth and value. To reach out and grab the sea of abundance that is waiting for us. We are the healers and the caretakers. We are the protectors of the babies. It is in our nature to take care of the children. To make sure that they eat and that they are nurtured and loved. 

It may have seemed as though we were caught up and forgot all of this. The time is now! We have been reminded! We can no longer pretend to NOT see that our children are hurting and need us to comfort them. To feed them. To remind them of whom they are. When we take care of our children, ALL OF THEM, our world will then be what we have hoped for it to be. The violence will be less. Our hearts will be open. Our minds will be clear. We have all persevered and now let us do this!

 I am ready, are you?

Glimpses of things to come

It's already been a week since we had our 4th Annual Cinco de Mayo event. I can't even believe this was our 4th!!!!What that says to me, is that Matt has been gone, from our physical presence, for almost 4 years. I still can not wrap my head around this nightmare.
  I am so grateful for the people, places, and things in my life today. I'm grateful for the opportunities that we are able to bring to others.
 I was thinking about what Matt's death has done to me? I could not put any of  it into words. At that point, I changed my question to, What has Matt's LIFE given to me?
Wow, just changing the question has given me a new perspective and unbelievable HOPE of good things to come. Matt's life has given me a undeniable sense of  accomplishment. His life was filled with Hope and Promise. He loved to help people, All People!
 His mission was to love unconditionally. He did that so well. His life has filled me with a sense of purpose and perseverance. I know that ANYTHING is possible!
God, blessed me with the awesome opportunity to raise 3 amazing children. I am eternally grateful for this gift. I am learning, each day, and in every moment, to make the best out of EVERYTHING! I am learning to change the questions that I ask myself! Thank you God and Thank you Matt!

Scattered

I woke up this morning feeling a bit scattered. I often distract myself with doing many different activities or meetings or projects. I only notice this, when I begin to get stressed out, because I have decided to take on too much. It's a vicious cycle. Each time, I finally do notice that I've done it again, I am then ready to go and lay down for a couple of days.
 My passion for service, is huge. I need to learn how to be of service to ME. I can't help others, if I am unable to help and take care of myself. I make this statement to others, OFTEN!
 I recognize that once I STOP and sit still, my mind takes me back to the evening of Sept. 1, 2008. I wake up every morning, thinking of my son. My day is filled with thoughts of Matt. I go to bed every night with my boy on my mind. There isn't a time that Matt isn't in my thoughts. But, when I'm still, the night of Sept. 1, 2008 replays over and over again.
 I know, with all of my heart, that Matthew would not want me to cry and mourn everyday. I try to do things to uplift my thoughts. Helping and serving others in a positive way. Reminding myself that Matt had a vision of HOPE for our community and all of the people here. I feel his presence when I'm still. It is so difficult to really look at what has happened. After 3 1/2 years, I am still not used to him being gone. It is like a never ending nightmare.
I honestly do believe that God has a plan. I also believe that we are all HERE for a purpose. When I remember these profound realizations, I can move forward. Thus, this starts my cycle all over again. I have to be able to find a balance. To learn to recognize when I'm heading from the point of peace and belief  to the extreme of overextending myself, with distractions.
God please Clear my Mind and Heal my Heart!

Light

I woke up this morning being reminded that I am in control of my attitude. I make the decision, each day, to either live in the darkness, or to be THE LIGHT! At first, knowing that my happiness and peace, were my own responsibility, seemed almost unfair! I mean, God, I want to blame someone else. These life situations that have happened, I had no choice! I was powerless to change these situations and outcomes.
This is absolutely true! I can't change what has happened. Today, I know that I can change how I am responsible for what happens to ME. I am responsible for the change that I bring to myself and my life! God, Has given me the gift of this life. I have to be responsible to have a purpose filled life. It is a gift to show my daughters that Life is about giving and loving. I GET IT! We are here for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will continue, each moment, to take responsibility for the energy/attitude that I bring into every situation.

God, what would you have us do?

It's Sunday morning. I'm in my usual morning spot, sitting in front of this computer. I have so many things running through my mind!  I do want to acknowledge how beautiful this first day of April is. It's amazing to watch, what a difference a day makes. Yesterday we had to cancel our monthly community clean up, due to rain, wind, and possible thunderstorms. Today it's clear blue sky, warm sun, and no wind.

The area that we were scheduled to do the clean-up and BBQ, is an area that has had 2 murders in a little over a month. This is the same area that had another murder yesterday morning! This is the 6th homicide, in Fairfield, already this year!

MY GOD! Please clear our minds and Heal our Hearts. Help us to keep on keeping on. These times are so discouraging and plenty frightening. Believe me, I have felt like giving up. I have felt this way, on more than one occasion.  GOD, WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE US DO?
I always get the same internal response.....TERESA,  DO NOT GIVE UP! KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
So, I'm NOT going to GIVE UP!

 Together, we will make a change in our community. We have to continue to dialog. The community meetings that our police chief has organized, along with monthly town hall meetings, from other community leaders and faith based groups, we are changing  the entire atmosphere of our community. In the few meetings that I have attended, I have felt the shift, both internally and externally. Although, the meetings went well, within a day or two, another act of violence has occurred. This is EXACTLY WHY WE NEED TO STAND UP AND STICK TOGETHER AS A COMMUNITY. These acts of violence, which have resulted in 6 murders, will lessen. They will NOT lessen if WE retreat into ourselves and our homes!

This is my City. I'm NOT RETREATING!

 God, please guide us to do what you would have us do. Give us the strength, knowledge and wisdom to do the right things for the right reasons. Fill us with a sense of belonging and community, so we can help each other. Thank you for giving us the eyes to see, the ears to hear, the voice to speak. Remind us all, that WE are here for a REASON! Amen

 Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead

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Good morning,

Thank you for the prayers for myself and for the people with whom I was meeting. The meeting went well. I met with Deborah Bain, Deputy Attorney General, Assemblyman Jim Nielsen, and Yvette Lecuina from the Department of Justice, Crime Victims Services. We were able to get much accomplished. I will be contacting Chris Ward, Director of ICAN and Victim Action Alliance to discuss how she set up her program to train volunteers in assisting victims.

 We had 2 more murders 2 days ago. One shooting victim was 18 years old the other 24. This brings the total number of murders in Fairfield to four, just in the past 10 weeks. All four victims were between the ages of 18 and 26 years of age.  HORRIFYING!  I am appalled by the killings, and by the fact that not one of these murders have any suspects in custody. My heart is breaking for the family members who will get limited support from our local government because of "budget cuts"! This is so very sad and frankly, I am pissed off! I get it, though. WE have to stand up for EACH Other and help spread love and light. I feel empowered to help victims and their family members have their voices heard.

 If you would join me in praying for these mothers who just lost their son's. God, clear their minds and heal their hearts. Pray for our city and every other city, our country, and every other country. Heal the hearts and minds of the lost and confused. God, help us to realize that we must love one another to know real peace. We pray that there will come a time where there will be NO NEED for Crime Victim Advocates! Thank you, Amen

With love,

Teresa

My chattering mind

I reposted a video on my facebook this morning. It was a video that I first watched, last night, before going to sleep. It was an extremely moving and troubling video of the atrocities happening to children in Uganda.
I know that these horrible acts, that are being done to our children are happening in many places, Even Here! My reasoning for posting the video was NOT to support this one particular group called, invisible children.
My intent was to bring awareness to these horrible CRIMES that are happening to OUR children.
I know how easy it is to say, Let's take care of our own first!
But, Do WE?
 Sure, many of us try. By doing just this.... Posting a video. Placing quotes of hope and love on our social media pages. Volunteering to help wherever we can. These are all things that are absolutely making a difference in many lives.
 So, why is it than, that some people have to make it a negative thing? It is mind boggling to me to hear some people suggest that by the time a child is in the 3rd grade, their attitude and behavior will predict if that child will be in the bottom percentile. That child who grades are not above a C or their behavior is what THEY think it should be, will be the Child that is HIGH RISK.
Question? Are the people talking all of this negativity, volunteering to help mentor a child?
To the person/people who says: "all the homeless are drug addicts" Are you ensuring that our children don't become homeless drug addicts? Are you  uplifting these kids with positive messages and being a positive role model?
If world hunger disturbs you, when it is brought to the light. Do you give $5.00 a month to help feed a child?
Our words and actions are so powerful! We are here for a reason! I know this more now than I ever have. I'm sure that Matt's death has opened up a space in me, that was always there, but was semi closed off and in denial. I'm clear NOW! Each one of us can and do make a difference, if we choose to. I am so grateful to be filled with a passion of solutions not just the problems. God has given each one of us that passion.
God, thank you for clearing my mind and healing my heart.