Another Sunday

I received a email this morning from my cousin Victoria who lives in Ohio. Our Uncle Joe passed away last night.
The email instantly sent a load of memories to my mind. I will always remember Uncle Joe as a kind but stern man. He was hilarious. He reminded me of Fred Flintstone! LOL.
 He had helped me get out of a situation during a dark time of my life.
 I will always cherish that memory.
I called my mom to let her know. She now has only 1 sibling left, out of 10, Her oldest brother, Uncle Mart.
 I love you mom, and I'm so sorry.
It is so difficult to grasp the finality of death. I don't believe I will ever be able to process that idea!
In my opinion, we don't die.
 I feel Matt around me constantly. I believe, that I have let him go.
But, does that mean that when I smell his cologne or feel his presence...that I am allowing my mind to play tricks on me? NO, I believe that when we die, our bodies leavebut our spirits are all around us.
If I remain Open to God and to the flow of life. I GET to feel and see things. I am truly Blessed. I thank God each and everyday for the AWESOME gifts that HE continues to give me.
I will continue to pray for an open and clear mind and a healed heart. I will ask GOD daily to give me the ears to hear, the eyes to see, and the heart to feel. Guide me to where YOU would have me go. Place me in the situations that You would have me in. And, give me the words that You would have me speak. God Bless each and everyone of us on this day and everyday.
 Remind us of who WE are! Allowing our light to shine.

Amen

How do WE keep it together?

Here I am again, laying in my bed with my computer. The last couple of days have been extremely difficult for me. I continue to do what I always do. I wake up, pray, read something inspiring to help motivate me, and then I post a couple quotes on my facebook pages. But, I am still unmoved and unmotivated.
My soul never stops aching. I feel very tired in my mind and body.
 I pray for a clear mind and a healed heart daily. There is always a deep pain and loneliness that never ceases.
The girls seem to be doing ok. My God, how I have tried to make sure that I have been there for them. Will I ever really know? Will the girls ever really know what this nightmare has done to them? None of us will ever be the same again.
How do WE keep it together?  I will continue to pray for a clear mind and a healed heart. God, guide me in the direction that you would have me go. Fill me and our family with the strength and perseverance to continue to move forward. I do have faith that God has a plan. I just get tired.

God, Clear my Mind and Heal my Heart

It's a little after 9:00AM the house is still quiet. The sun is out and the sky is clear. I am trying to stay in this moment. My thoughts are all over the place....what to do first, where am I going today. I need to find this book that I have been looking for. It's in the garage in a box. If I go in the garage to look for it, I will have to move and go through some of Matt's things. I know I should...but, I just can't bring myself to do it! Oh my God, is my heart ever going to heal, even a little? I always feel so lost. I just keep going, going, and going. I don't know where I am going but I just think that I CAN"T stop moving or I will die. Have I failed my girls because of my grief?
God, Please clear my mind and heal my heart!

A New Year

My God is good, He understands. He's always here to hold my hand.
He has shown me things, I can't explain.
Today I can feel love, instead of pain.
My life has changed in every way, all because I've learned to pray.
My eyes are open now; I am ready to do Your will.
Continue to give me the strength to keep walking up this hill.
Sometimes my mind gets cluttered with thoughts of the negative.
But there you are again, to remind me how to live.
Love is the answer, there is No other.
I know this now, so thank you for making me a mother.
I want my children to know, that they mean everything to me.
Remembering that God is the only answer to being free.
There is always more to learn. I try and write down everything that I can.
All my thoughts, my feelings, which help me understand, that the dramas, and pains in my life, are all part of the plan.
God didn't cause the devastation, although, it's up to me, to go to Him for salvation.
This life is a series of lessons. God help me make them into blessings.
I thank you God for pulling me out of the gutter. I get it now, all of us, do matter.
I will keep walking with my head held high. Knowing the truth.... We never really die.
God put us all here for a reason. Let us step up to the plate, this is OUR season.

Love and blessings to you all,
Teresa

Today's Daily Republic front page

On this last day of 2010. I log-on to our local newspaper, the Daily Republic. There on the front page is the retiring District attorney for Solano County. I read and reread the story. His quotes about himself and other people were absolutely exactly what I expected from him. Thank you God, that this guy is OUT of the DA's office. I am not going to rant and rave anymore. I am just so thankful that he is done. Anyone that reads this story, can understand how this DA has been the county's problem for years. I'm not saying that I don't make mistakes or that I don't make bad decisions at times....I do, lots of times, and I will again. I'm human.  But, what I am saying, is that, I take responsibility for them. I don't purposely try to hurt people, lie to or throw them under the bus, to make myself look better. Out with the old and in with the new. I pray that Solano County will turn around for the better in 2011!

The killer at Target

Tonight I received a call, saying that Nicole Stewart, was standing out in front of Target. I immediately drove around the corner from our home, to Target. Sure enough, there she was. She was standing there, not paying any attention to her 2 year old baby, smoking a cigarette, and talking on her cell phone. I asked her why she never responded to the message that I sent to her? She replied, that she doesn't feel like she had any Fault in the murder of Matthew. I couldn't believe that she was saying this. She said she didn't know that her boyfriend/baby's daddy, had a gun. I told her she was a liar. Why didn't you go to the police afterward. She said, she was scared of what would happen to her kids and her unborn baby. What about my son? You think it's OK that my boy is dead?  I told her that she will never be anything or have anything. I had to tell her to get her baby...He was trying to fall out of the cart. God, Am I going to keep running into her? This is our city. What really Happened? I want to know how and why this woman is free to walk around anywhere! WHY is she not behind bars? Is she an informant? I MEAN REALLY! She drove the car, to the scene, she drove them all back to their house. Nicole Stewart, then finds out that her man killed someone...and she never ever goes to the police. Instead she stays home and acts like nothing has changed. 11 day later, she gets arrested because Gene Allan Combs rats all three of them out. He goes to jail and she walks. Not only does she walk, but she get to hide out in protective custody for 2 months while spending over $11,000 of our money. So many things are so WRONG. Not just in Matt's murder, but, in so many others, too.She is not welcome here. Please God, clear my mind and heal my heart.

Message to a killer

Here is the message that I sent via facebook, to Nicole Stewart. I really didn't expect to hear back from her. I guess I just maybe hoped that she would DO SOMETHING!

Between Nicole Stewart and You

Teresa Taylor Courtemanche November 9 at 12:06pm

Nicole, this is Teresa Courtemanche, Matt Garcia's mom. I am sure that you are aware that you are going to be served, in the civil case, that I have filed against you. I am asking that you call my attorney, Dan Healy @ 707-553-7360 and give him your address. It is so crazy to me, that you have never once, tried to apologize to our family! You need to know that I am not a hateful person. My life is full of love from many, many people. You participated in the murder of my only son. I am asking that you stand up and take responsibility for your part in this never ending nightmare. You have not done the right thing for the right reason, thus far. Can you do it now? I hope so.